My relationship to life is about cultivating alignment and connection to my truest self.

I came of age in a world that was rich with art, culture and the immigrant struggle, as well as the urgency and pace needed to survive capitalism. From a young age I was acutely aware that I was getting places later than others- not physically speaking, although I can trend towards tardiness, but in terms of self-knowing and determination. It was hard for me to figure out my favorite color, I didn’t have great follow through with sports, instruments, extracurricular activities, I couldn’t pick a major. I didn’t study, didn’t practice, didn’t make decisions quickly. Pressure to pick something led to overwhelm- it still does. 

This experience of getting to things after others became a personal story that went like this: I am lazy, I am falling behind, and I am not good enough.

And this feeling and fear of being lazy and behind-all-the-time drove me (and my father) bonkers. 

This baby always felt behind

I tried really hard to believe in myself, to push myself, to be taken along in the swell of society and my parent’s hopes and dreams for me. I tried to think my way towards speed by creating deadlines and structure. I tried to bully myself towards making choices by berating and punishing myself. I used jealousy, shame, guilt- I tried to force myself to be different, believing that the problem was with how I am. If only I could change myself then I could be in flow with life.

But it wasn’t until I gave myself the opportunity to learn myself, and ultimately my own pace, that I was actually able to move towards the things I wanted for myself, actualize my goals, and live life in a way that feels good and aligned. 

Because the way to be in flow with life is to be in flow with yourself. And the way to be in flow with yourself is to be in deep curiosity and respect of yourself- your process, your pace, your values, and your deepest truth.

When we were forced to slow down at the start of the Pandemic, I was living alone in my house with my dogs. I had very little distraction, nowhere to go, nowhere to be, and all of a sudden I found myself with time to get curious about my process. I observed how I moved through my day. I noticed what was important to me and how I made those things happen for myself. And I learned- wow, I need slowness. I always have. 

I leaned into that self knowing and things started to fall into place for me. Things started to make sense and come to fruition. My whole life had context within my new framework and understanding of myself. It was an absolute gift. And from this space I started my coaching practice. 

—

There are many ways to enact behavioral change. We can make detailed checklists, download apps, and use a million methods of coercion. But none of these tools worked for me because instead of stopping to pay attention to what was happening for me, I was doing everything I could to keep up with everyone else. I wasn’t caring for myself- I was caring about what everyone else seemed to be doing for themselves. 

There are so many tools that are useful and valuable for getting a desired outcome. But if you get to a result without noticing and caring for the reason that you were having a hard time in the first place, the results won’t be sustainable. If the way you got to a change in behavior was through being mean and cohesive with yourself, it can be really easy to slip back into old patterns and habits that don’t feel good, and end up in a cycle of feeling in deficit and failure. 

Sound familiar?

The place you are stuck is asking for your attention and care. Read that twice over and let it sink in. 

You’re not stuck on your phone because you’re lazy. You’re not unable to work on your resume because you’re not smart. Your art practice isn’t suffering because you aren’t meant to be an artist. 

You’re stuck because you are asking yourself for some type of self care. 

Give yourself that care and respect. Get curious about yourself, your needs, why you’re actually stuck, and let me help you get to living your life in a way that is aligned and supportive of you, your people, and your community. 

I would love to be your ally in this powerful work, holding space, offering reflection and cheering you on.

In closing, I would like to acknowledge my luck and privilege in getting to do this work, especially as the gay first-generation Chilean-American woman that I am.

With this acknowledgment, I create a commitment to dismantling systems of oppression and creating pathways towards liberation through my work. For more on that commitment, please visit the Liberation page. 

Thanks for reading,

Camila
she/her
I live on unceded Chinook land.

My logo is by Tynessa Jue and website by Julia Haas

Sister Sundown-the name of my business- came to me in a dream.

The time when the sun goes down is full of possibility. There’s anticipation and magic when you see the sun dipping down below the horizon, stretching bands of light across the sky.

This beauty, light, and magic is reflected in my work. It's about art, reflection, support, integration, and healing.

This is what Sister Sundown means to me, and this is what I offer you.